In a hoped-for long-term stable relationship – when there is a significant difference in Sensuality Interest Levels between partners – there is a high likelihood of future relationship grief.

When one has a higher level of interest in sensuality then the other in an Exclusive Coupling Love Organization – BOTH participants begin to feel frustrated.  Frequently one feels they are ‘not loved’ – or ‘not loved enough’ – while the other feels they are being ‘constantly pestered to have sex’.
With time, these imbalances can begin to erode or eventually destroy the bonds of a relationship.

Various coping mechanisms include: clandestine affairs by one (or often later by both in retaliation) – an inwards retreat into reduced or minimal sensuality experiences. Partners may simple draw back into themselves and rationalize an avoidance of the entire topic of sensuality as ‘too painful to deal with’ - thus dooming themselves to months, years or decades without the physical connections that are intended to help bond long term relationships.

In many cases, imbalances in Sensuality Interest Levels – left unresolved – can ultimately result in the termination of the relationship (i.e. divorce, separation, separate lives, etc).

Partners can see them – feel them. Differences are normal. Differences are OK – higher or lower are not better or worse. They are just different. But what is not OK – is when a higher is matched with a lower inside of an Exclusive Coupling relationship .  That’s when the dissonance/grief begins.

HOW the differences come about is not really understood. There are many theories and explanations.
Some suggest early childhood family environments affect attitudes towards sensuality (sex is nasty, yuk or sinful – or joyful) – or that positive or negative experiences in childhood or young adult years will influence later expectations and behaviors. There is a growing body of evidence that ‘involuntary brain chemical flows’ (hormones and the like) can have a dramatic impact on an affinity for sensual experiences. (click to read ‘To Touch or Not To Touch’ )

Oftentimes sensuality differences are referred to in very general terms – partners say for example: “they didn’t want to do it again last night” – OR – “they always want the same old thing – boring”.

The Sensuality Interest Level SELF-EXAM can help you specify what the differences are so that each can be discussed more objectively – and hopefully addressed and resolved – one issue/subject at a time.

The purpose of the Self-exam is NOT to change your respective sensuality levels.
That ‘mission’ is up to you (if you want to).

The purpose is to first, help you identify what your interests are – and what your interests are not. There are no ‘correct answers’ – no ‘scores’.
You do your self-exam in the privacy of your computer.

The second purpose, is to permit you to compare your interests with those of a partner.

If there are significant differences – discuss them.
Try to reach an amicable resolution acceptable to both.

For example, if one partner has a frequency interest level of sensual activities that is once a week, while the other has an interest level of once a day – think about adding a third - full or part time - partner who has similar frequency interest levels.

The ‘loss’ of 10-20 minutes of body-part touching with Another (that isn’t desired by the one partner anyway) may not be worth the loss of the partner’s entire relationship – family, kids, etc. (click to read “The Mathematics of Boinking’)